


Bat!

by AshaDev



Category: What We Do in the Shadows (TV)
Genre: Bat Nandor, Bat!Nandor, Comfort, Healing, M/M, Sick Nandor
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-04
Updated: 2020-08-06
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:48:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25703077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AshaDev/pseuds/AshaDev
Summary: Guillermo has to take care of a sick Nandor, who is stuck in bat form. The roommates are no help.
Relationships: Guillermo de la Cruz & Nandor the Relentless, Guillermo de la Cruz/Nandor the Relentless
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This wasn't edited or drafted or anything that a reasonable person would do before publishing, so warning if it's trash. The more I think about a story and try to mess with it, the least likely it'll get posted with any frequency. [looks guiltily at the SPN and Sherlock fics I've been editing forever]
> 
> Thank you for reading!

Guillermo had been naïve when he agreed to be Nandor’s familiar that day at Panera Bread. He had jumped at the opportunity to “serve” a vampire with the promise that he’d be turned. As the years went on, the horrible, unspeakable things Guillermo had to do as a familiar soon became just part of the job. Despite that naivete being swiftly and soundly destroyed, he never signed up for _this_.

He breathed out as he wiped at the bat shit stains all over the red velvet of Nandor’s coffin. His mask sent the heat of his breath up to his glasses, quickly fogging them up. “Damn it.” He stood up and climbed down the small steps, waiting for his glasses to clear.

A loud screech made him glance over to the long table along the wall.

“I’m almost finished.” Guillermo tried not to snap.

Another screech.

“I know, Master. Just give me a minute.” Guillermo looked at the bat dangling upside down from the unlit candelabra. His black fur made him look like a small shadow. A small, annoying shadow.

Guillermo climbed up the steps again and wiped at the last few stains, before pressing a towel against the moistened areas. He fanned at them with his hand.

He looked back, “Okay, master. It’s ready.”

In an instant, the bat took flight and flapped around erratically before diving into the coffin. He crawled around slowly, clawing at the velvet with his wing tips while Guillermo adjusted the small wooden toggle he had attached to the lid. It had tiny bands of velvet to match the rest of the coffin. The bat crawled up and grabbed on to the toggle with his feet as Guillermo closed the lid.

“Good night, Master.”

The bat screeched again.

Guillermo closed his eyes and breathed out slowly. He muttered to himself as he turned out the lights. “This is bullshit.”

Another screech. Guillermo ignored it and closed the door.

  
____

_  
[Last night]_

  
“Oh shit, this is bad.” Laszlo had announced as they all stood in a circle, looking down at the barely breathing bat.

“But how can this even happen?!” Guillermo had exclaimed, freaking out and grabbing at his curls.

“Wit-“ Nadja had begun.

“Ah-ah! Don’t even fucking say it.” Laszlo had raised a finger up. “It’s _not_ witches.” He had bent down cautiously to take a closer look at the bat. “This is not a spell.”

Nadja had tsked in annoyance and folded her arms.

Colin Robinson had also bent down to peer at the bat, “No, this looks like he’s sick.” He had said thoughtfully.

“Sick?!” Guillermo had exclaimed. Vampires didn’t get sick. Unless they ate human food, but that was pretty much it.

“Oh dear.” Nadja had exclaimed. “Laszlo, do you think this could be the great disease of old?” She had taken a step backward.

“What’s that?” Guillermo had looked at Nadja with wide, worried eyes. He had been wringing his hands worryingly at the hem of his sweater.

“Fuck. You may be right, darling.” Laszlo had looked up dramatically at Guillermo. “It might be…the Black Death.”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Guillermo had blurted out in dismay.

“Hmm, I’m not sure, guys. I don’t think that’s it.” Colin Robinson had squinted at the lump of fur. “He seems to have a runny nose. Yeck.”

“Oh, how would you know, Colin Robinson, you weren’t even alive then.” Nadja had said. “It is most certainly the Black Death.” She had turned to Laszlo, “It killed so many of our kind.” She had said sadly.

“Wait, wait, guys, hold on. How could my master have the bubonic plague! It’s practically unheard of these days!” Guillermo had nearly shouted. “And he’s a vampire!”

Laszlo had shrugged. “It can happen if you ingest too much infected blood. Remember the whole SARS fiasco in 2012? We had to _ration_ our meals – it was terrible.”

Nadja had nodded. “It was dark times.”

Guillermo had shaken his head. “Yeah, but that was SARS. I mean, this is the plague you’re talking about here.”

“What’s the difference?” Nadja frowned. “A plague is a plague.”

“The difference is that we aren’t under a pandemic right now!” Guillermo had exclaimed. “So whatever Nandor has, it isn’t the bubonic plague!”

“Alright, calm down Gizmo.” Laszlo had put his hands up placatingly.

“So testy.” Nadja had looked at the familiar disapprovingly.

Colin Robinson had whipped out his phone and had been typing into it while the group bickered. Then he had cleared his throat, “Actually, looks like it’s a virus.” He had held up his phone for everyone to see the screen. The article’s title read “Novel coronavirus has now been found in the UK, Canada. 11 cases in the U.S.”

Guillermo had frowned. “It’s just a few cases.” Guillermo had had a vague recollection of the news mentioning a disease in China, but hadn’t really been paying attention. The outside world really didn’t affect him anymore now that he lived with vampires.

“I guess we’ll just have to wait and see if he dies then.” Colin Robinson had shrugged and put his phone away.

“Colin Robinson!” Nadja had chastised.

“I’m joking.” He had responded easily. “I’m sure he’ll recover. How many vampires was it that died last time?” He had tapped his chin in thought.

“Oh fuck.” Guillermo had whispered. He had stepped closer to Nandor who had his eyes closed. “What do we do?”

“Beats me. Last time we had a big pandemic, we just all stayed in our coffins for a couple of years. Was it the Spanish flu or the French flu?” Laszlo had looked over at Nadja, who was sniffing the air for witch dust.

“The Spanish one, I think.” Nadja had responded, turning around three times counterclockwise and then twice clockwise, before stomping her feet twice. She had looked up at Laszlo, who was shaking his head. “What?? You can never be sure!”

“Guys, please focus here. What do vampires take for a virus? I mean, are there vampire vaccines?” Guillermo had taken off his sweater and began to fold it into a bundle. “What do I do?”

“My best guess is that you just give him some good blood and keep him hydrated.” Colin Robinson had said, with some real worry in his eyes. “According to the internet, this coronavirus came from bats in China. Might be some vampires in there who know something. I’ll make a few calls.”

“Thank you.” Guillermo had sighed in appreciation.

“Sure.” The energy vampire had responded simply and then walked off to the basement.

“I think Colin Robinson might be right. Just need to keep him, you know, alive.” Laszlo had said with a frown.

“Aren’t you guys going to help? He’s your roommate.”

“Would love to, old chap, but we can’t risk getting infected. We could do die from this shit, you know.” Laszlo had eased back. “But I’m sure he’ll be just fine.”

Nadja had also taken a step back. “Yes, he’ll be fine, just don’t bring him around us and for goodness sake, don’t let him eat our food. He could infect the whole food supply.”

“Then what am I supposed to feed him?” Guillermo had asked, distressed.

“No idea. But figure it out, unless you want him to die due to your negligence.” Laszlo had said grimly. “Come on, darling. We should get out of this room.” He had grabbed Nadja by the elbow. “Gizmo, make sure to disinfect this entire area. And burn that rug.” He had pointed where Nandor lay.

Guillermo had opened his mouth to demand these assholes help him, but they were already halfway down the corridor. It was no use anyway.

“ _Pendejos_.” Guillermo had muttered under his breath. Then he had looked over at Nandor and had knelt down to gently scoop him into his sweater-turned-pillow. He had held him against his chest and stared at the tiny bat that was barely moving. “I’ll take care of you, master.” The bat had sighed out in response.


	2. Chapter 2

That first morning, Nandor had slept at the bottom of his coffin, too weak to climb. Guillermo had sat beside the coffin and had eventually fallen asleep against it. He had woken with a start when he had heard annoyed screeching. It had just begun to darken outside.

Guillermo had slowly opened the lid and Nandor peered at him from the bottom of the coffin. He screeched again.

Guillermo had frowned. "Master, I don't speak bat." Not knowing what he wanted, the familiar had picked him up and let him hang from the light fixture directly above the coffin. Nandor had continued to look at him for a moment and Guillermo could almost see the whiny, annoyed face Nandor would be making if he was in vampire form. Then without warning, Nandor had taken off, flying out the door, and disappearing. Guillermo had blinked in shock and then run after him. After looking for him for several hours, Guillermo had seriously considered putting up Lost posters with a picture of a generic bat.

At dusk, Nandor had reappeared, flown through a window, into his coffin, and had explosive bat diarrhea all over the velvet.

After Guillermo finished cleaning the coffin and went back to his room, he sat on his bed and just stared at nothing.

“This is such bullshit.” He repeated. He mumbled to himself in self pity before making his way to the basement.

He eased down the dark hallway slowly. It was a huge gamble coming down to see Colin Robinson. He might drain Guillermo to the point he’d end up passing out for a good while and possibly piss his pants. Again. Sometimes, it was hard to tell whether Colin Robinson did it on purpose or not. Guillermo knocked on the frame of the open door, a florescent glow coming from the boring, clinical room. “Um, Colin?”

“Yes, Guillermo?” Colin Robinson said easily, looking up from a mug shopping magazine.

“I was wondering if you had any news about the virus?” Guillermo said, only daring to poke his head around the frame, in case he needed to make a run for it.

“Oh yeah. I spoke to my friend Li Jie in Beijing just a few hours ago. Very interesting stuff. You know, the Ming City wall was built with a width of 66ft, but actually, the construction plans showed that the architects had been reading the Rites of Zhou upside down, particularly the Kao Gong Ji in which it’s clear that-“

“Colin!” Guillermo interrupted with an edge of panic, "You were saying about your friend, Li Jie? He had information?” Guillermo breathed in deeply. The energy had started to seep from him slowly like molasses, beginning to cloud his mind.

“Oh right.” Colin pulled up his laptop and typed a few things. “It seems that there are several vampires already infected in the region and the count right now is at…350 vampire cases, with 67 deaths. It looks like...hmm, yeah, 4 death in the U.S.”

“Shit.”

“And it looks like there is no vaccine.” Colin Robinson stared at the screen for a few more seconds, “Yeah, we’re all fucked.” he said simply.

“But he’s a vampire. How does this even happen? What’s the point of being immortal if you can get killed by a disease?!” Guillermo’s voice rose in pitch and he felt himself breathing hard.

“Yeah, that’s nice.” Colin Robinson said in a bored toned. “So, I’m busy." He picked up his magazine again and went back to flipping through it. "I have to pick out my new mug that I can show my co-workers. I think there is a very nice Live Laugh Love one that would pair well with my new motivational sweater. I can tell everyone how important it is to emulate the teachings of Bessie Anderson Stanley. You know, that phrase was actually a poem that was _actually_ misattributed to Ralph Waldo Emerson in 1990, and it wasn't until- ”

Guillermo blinked, tuning Colin Robinson out, and felt himself wanting to explode. Instead, he closed his eyes, turned around, and walked back to his cubby room. He spent a few hours researching the virus on his own but the amount of information and misinformation was staggering. He had gone through about a fourth of his coffee almonds before he decided to take a break. He sighed, stretched, and walked to his master’s bedroom. He slowly opened the door to peek inside. The room was nearly pitch black except for the very small safety light that Guillermo kept plugged in. Everything was silent. He stared at the darkness, becoming lost in thought and worry, when he heard a rustling sound at the far end of the room. He frowned and tilted his head to listen better. There was another muffled sound and he stepped inside.

“Master?” he whispered. He stared at the coffin, some hope building in his chest that Nandor was back to vampire form and recovered. “Are you okay?” Guillermo waited and listened. Then from the corner of his eye, he saw the edge of the curtains move. He turned to the window, squinting. “What the…” He began to walk closer when the curtain suddenly opened slightly in the middle and he saw a black bat wing flap against the sunlight.

“MASTER! NO!”

Nandor screeched in agony as he began to burn.


End file.
